Farewells.

I don't really know how to begin this post.
My last full day at YWAM Denver is tomorrow, and I will be leaving for South Dakota on Saturday.

So bittersweet.

It truly seems like I only just arrived here with my clumsy, overstuffed bags and a hopeful expectation of what these 3 months would hold. And now here I am, a matter of hours away from saying my goodbyes to some of those dearest to me, and all I can think of is how incredible this journey has been. I look at who I was just three months ago, and I can't even begin to sort out all the change that's happened in my heart. I'm blown away by the things that God has been doing in such a short amount of time, and I am waiting with hopeful expectation to see what fruit will come of this time here.

As for what's next...... oh boy.
I have the option of living with some friends here in Denver, but I also have a desire to come home for a bit. Either way, I will be working (yay for the glorious job search! ... kind of) and saving for a while, until.....well, until God tells me what's next. I have a couple options that I'm equally passionate about, but no clear direction about which path to take first.
It'll either be a pastry school in Chicago, starting in July, or a couseling school/internship in London, England, in the fall. Oh, the decesions. If you remember, please be keeping these in your prayers....I need some clear direction!

But for now, I really truly miss Rapid City. (I never in a hundred years thought I would say that). There's just something about the place you grew up and all the memories that cling to it.... *sigh*. God really has a sense of humor with these things. I have been praying for his heart on some issues, and for the first time, I truly have a desire to see my community changed for the better..... oh South Dakota, you still have a piece of my heart.

I cannot wait to see all of your lovely faces and hear about what's been going on in your lives these past few months. I'll be home on Saturday night! Love you all.

Stare at the Sun.

This song has been playing over and over again in my head today...

and it totally sums up how I've been feeling. It's an oldie but a goodie.

I sit here clutching useless lists

And keys for doors that don't exist

I crack my teeth on pearls

I tear into the history

Show me what it means to be in this world

Cause I am due for a miracle

I'm waiting for a sign 

And I'll stare straight into the sun

And I won't close my eyes 

Until I understand or go blind

I see the parts but not the whole

I study saints and scholars both

No perfect plan unfurls

Do I trust my heart or just my mind

Why is truth so hard to find in this world

Cause I am due for a miracle

I'm waiting for a sign

I'll stare straight into the sun

And I won't close my eyes

I know that there's a point I've missed

A shrine or stone I haven't kissed

A scar that never graced my wrist

A mirror that never met my fist

But I can't help but

Feeling like I'm due for a miracle

I'm waiting for a sign

I'll stare straight into the sun

And I won't close my eyes

(Thrice)

....

If you get the chance, shout a prayer out to Dad for me. I'm needing some guidance and peace.

Thanks guys.

Probably the longest post of my life.

It's so funny how the little promises we make ourselves seem to get swept over and forgotten with our busy lives.

Like,

"I am going to exercise every day", "I am going to wake up 30 minutes early each morning to have time with God", "I am going to reach out to others more, be more compassionate, etc....", "I am going to UPDATE MY BLOG for my wonderful supporters at least once a week so they know what is going on in my life..."

My goodness.... at least perfection isn't a requirement to have friends these days. I'd be one lonely little gal.

So here I am, 2 weeks since my last post, munching merrily away at saltine crackers, deciding what to update all of you on. I came to the conclusion that since so many of you have poured so much into my life, I will not cheat you out of what has been going on these past few weeks by glossing it over with hurried cliches and tacky updates.

Well, I have 10 days left in beloved Colorado. I am trying to savor each moment and cherish those around me...the family that I have developed these past 2 1/2 months that is closer than I could ever imagine they would be. Life flies by so fast; it feels like I just got here and now I am already getting ready to leave soon. Oh the mushy emotion of it all! :D

Please forgive me, for a have a feeling this will turn into a rambling novel-length post.

The week after we got back from Louisiana (which was more amazing than words can describe, despite the rambling I posted last time), we had Scott Smith, a YWAM director from Alaska, speak on spiritual gifts and pour so much of his knowledge, love, and wisdom into our lives in the week he was here. We were able to not only learn about what is available to all of us, but also to put all of it into practice...we had the opportunity to prophesy over one another, and it was ridiculously accurate. I'm learning more and more how much the Holy Spirit wants to minister to others through me, in crazy cool ways that I never expected. He also brought up the point: whatever we are rooted in will produce fruit, whether it's good or bad. It opened my eyes to how much unforgiveness I've held onto that has been producing ugly, nasty fruit in my life and I didn't even realize it. Any Showbread fans out there? They sum it up beautifully: It is so that my transgressions have born a withered fruit. The sun has scorched the rising plants; alas, they have no root."

My favorite part of his teaching, though, was how he spoke on the thumbprint of God in everyone's life, both on an individual level and a cultural level. As the "church," are we seeing people and cultures as valuable beings who carry a distinct, rare fingerprint of God that no one else carries, or are we seeing them for what they've done, or for the extreme cultural differences between us and them? It sounds like warm, fuzzy Christianese at first, but it's truly where God is asking us to love unconditionally. It's not always easy....

Are we seeing the prostitute as cheap and dirty, or as a daughter our God is longing to have back in his arms?

How about the men who are selling girls into the sex trafficking industry? Are they the dirty pigs we perceive them to be, or the broken and hurting children of a God who have a distinct call on their lives he wants to redeem?

Or what about the Native Americans we intermingle with everyday? Are they truly the poor, drug-dealing people popular society is playing them out to be, or a culture that God created with a purpose, that can worship him like no other people on this earth?

We are missing out on so much about God if we are dismissing people based on our prejudice and ignorance.

This past week, we had Dan Thoemke, a local pastor in Golden, CO, speak on community transformation...what it requires of us, what it looks like, etc. It was such an inspiring week; Dan has this passion for the community he lives in, but he doesn't just talk about it...he truly is an active part of the community in so many areas, because he believes that change is possible. It made me look at my own life a bit, as I am almost always the one to wonder what is next on this surprising journey of life, rather than pouring all of my heart and efforts into the place God has called me to for that season. It's almost hard to imagine, but if the community of believers in every town/city/village would begin to intercede for where they are and truly reach out, we would see this world flipped upside down. I get some Jesus chills just thinking about that.....

But it all starts with us. We can't expect and pray for change if there is still junk that needs to be dealt with in our own hearts.

We also finished our 24/7 prayer room this week. A little background.... this whole quarter my school have been researching the Native American tribes of North America, which culminated in this prayer room for the whole YWAM Denver community to pray through. My group researched and presented the Sioux tribe, which I found out later to be no coincidence, given the fact I grew up around them. You see, God laid on our hearts to really focus on the injustices done throughout our country's history to the Sioux. It ripped my heart to shreds. I learned more than I could even process. It's amazing how you can spend your whole life around a group of people, and be so ignorant to not know their history. We hear so much about the Holocaust, for example, but it seems little is as well-known as what happened to the Native Americans. I encourage you to research it a bit if you are unaware of what our government put them through. Anyway, so our part of the prayer room was about repentance on behalf of the government and the church, which was powerful, and seeing the responses from all the students and staff on the base was incredible, yet....like I said above, transformation in a people has to start with individuals. And what God showed me was that despite learning about all the crap that Natives have been put through, and despite doing an entire prayer room focused on repentance of all things, there was still this ridiculous part of my heart that I've held onto all my life: PREJUDICE. There is so much ingrained into you as you grow up, and I seriously had to do some heart work and repenting on my own behalf of the terrible things I'd assumed about the Native American culture, just because of the way I was raised. It almost made me ashamed to be white.

Anyway, those were a couple of super intense weeks, and this week is our final week of teaching: spiritual warfare. I've heard so so much about the subject, as I'm sure many of you have as well, but our teacher, Phil Gazley, puts a completely different spin on all of it. Very paradigm shifting for sure....more updates on that to come after the week is over I'm sure.

I will be home sometime on the 28th.

Albania didn't work out, due to both finances and God just saying "I've got something else for you."

So....

so many tentative plans....

I got accepted to the French Pastry School in Chicago, which starts in July. My dream for all of this is to open an organic, gourmet bakery from which the majority of the profits would go directly to social justice programs (anti-human trafficking, women shelters, anti-poverty programs, etc.)...so essentially, people will be saving lives by buying cupcakes. :D I'm pretty stoked. I've been kind of stressed about the tuition though ($20,000) plus the cost of living in Chicago for 6 months....eh....but God has been speaking to me about it, and I know that this is a dream he's put on my heart for reason. He's like "Bethany, 20,000 is like pocket change to me. TRUST ME." So I have been. And I know he's going to rock my stinking face off with this.

Between now and then, though, I may be going to Seattle for a bit and then down to Mexico in the spring for a couple weeks...so please be praying about direction for all of my crazy plans....

Well, my hands are cramping and I think I need a nap. Thank you if you read this far. Can't wait to see all of you again. Love you guys.