...was amazing.
I'm quite sure my life won't be the same.
Saturday, July 11, 2009
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Warm, fuzzy quote of the week.
"Grace is something you can never get but can only be given. There's no way to earn it or deserve it or bring it about any more than you can deserve the taste of raspberries and cream or earn good looks... A good night sleep is grace and so are good dreams. Most tears are grace. The smell of rain is grace. Somebody loving you is grace." --Frederick Buechner
Friday, June 19, 2009
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Happy vegetarian birthday to me.
This month marks my sixth year of being a vegetarian. I'm happy about that.
Just thought you should know.
Yay for health.
:)
Just thought you should know.
Yay for health.
:)
Monday, June 1, 2009
Observations.
"You can safely assume that you've created God in your own image when it turns out that God hates all the same people you do." --Anne Lamott
I heard this quote two times yesterday, at two completely different occasions, and it's stuck with me. I think it's because I have grown tired of this "us vs. them" mentality in our little Christian circles. Everything has become this giant culture war, segregating our lives and this world into either "secular" or "Christian" categories. We demean and most often challenge those who share opposing views like it's our right to do so. Meanwhile, the marginalized and broken people of this world are benefiting from this....how? What is all of our rhetoric and judging accomplishing?
Just a few thoughts.
In other news, I met a rather terrific boy from Oregon last week. :) Although it looks firmly attached in the photo below, my face has been blessed off.
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Benjamin-brother-bear.
Home.
I still miss Colorado. I'm still antsy. Some things never change.
But,
In a couple short weeks, we will be celebrating the two year anniversary of Ben punching death in the face. Tonight we had a little family discussion about his recovery and some of his current concerns, something we try to do often but doesn't happen nearly enough.
I was so overwhelmed with...
joy.
I'm such a nerd, I know.
Really, though, I stood there in our little house packed with all seven us, beaming because I certainly don't deserve them at all.
I looked at the brother that doctors said may never walk again, may never be independent, probably never function as a normal human being, so on and so forth. Of all the circumstances in my life that proves God's ridiculous faithfulness, this one takes the cake. It defies human logic--falling four stories and surviving to tell about it. It still dumbfounds me at times.
The past week I've glanced back over these past two years, over the never-ending hospital scene, the therapies, the doctors, the shock, the grief, the screaming at God.
But looking back, I realized for the first time I don't feel the distant heaviness that set itself into my bones. Being here, this house, the memories, the constant reminder of God's radical love for us that manifests through Ben every day...
it has been bringing this toothy grin to my face.
To be able to laugh until I practically choke, with the brother who by human reasoning should be dead...I can't believe I get to live this life.
Thank you to all who've put up with me through this; whether you prayed for my family and Ben, let me bawl my eyes out, listened patiently while I rambled my confusion, looked past my fickle attitude and loved me anyway...this journey would've sucked without you.
I still miss Colorado. I'm still antsy. Some things never change.
But,
In a couple short weeks, we will be celebrating the two year anniversary of Ben punching death in the face. Tonight we had a little family discussion about his recovery and some of his current concerns, something we try to do often but doesn't happen nearly enough.
I was so overwhelmed with...
joy.
I'm such a nerd, I know.
Really, though, I stood there in our little house packed with all seven us, beaming because I certainly don't deserve them at all.
I looked at the brother that doctors said may never walk again, may never be independent, probably never function as a normal human being, so on and so forth. Of all the circumstances in my life that proves God's ridiculous faithfulness, this one takes the cake. It defies human logic--falling four stories and surviving to tell about it. It still dumbfounds me at times.
The past week I've glanced back over these past two years, over the never-ending hospital scene, the therapies, the doctors, the shock, the grief, the screaming at God.
But looking back, I realized for the first time I don't feel the distant heaviness that set itself into my bones. Being here, this house, the memories, the constant reminder of God's radical love for us that manifests through Ben every day...
it has been bringing this toothy grin to my face.
To be able to laugh until I practically choke, with the brother who by human reasoning should be dead...I can't believe I get to live this life.
Thank you to all who've put up with me through this; whether you prayed for my family and Ben, let me bawl my eyes out, listened patiently while I rambled my confusion, looked past my fickle attitude and loved me anyway...this journey would've sucked without you.
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Dang you, dial-up.
I was all prepared to upload some glorious photos, but alas, dial-up is slower than molasses in January....
they'll come, eventually.
Being home has been a challenge, but truthfully, I'm up for it. Thank you a thousand times over to all of you who supported me these past 3 months, whether financially, prayerfully, or sending me cheery little bits of sunshine in the mail. You've truly been an expression of God's love to me.
In other news, the job search continues, very unsuccessfully so far. The past few days, in my constant free time, I've been reading The Sacred Romance by Brent Curtis and John Eldredge. I saw this book sitting on my mother's bookshelf a few months ago, and I slightly scoffed at the title, honestly. Perhaps I am just cynical about "romance" or whatnot; perhaps I am tired of the same old Christian books putting me to sleep....either way, I didn't give a second thought until just a few days ago, when leaving the house (stupid spring blizzards) was out of the question.
Anyway, read it if you haven't. It melted my cynical little heart faster than I would've thought.
Here's a little snippet:
"All of us have had poignant ecstasies of heart over a love affair that subsequently turned into immobilizing pain and shock as we realized that our lover could actually know us and yet leave us for another. But have you ever dated someone and you just knew, from the first time you met her, that she was the one you wanted to spend the rest of your life with? As you laughed and talked and marveled together, you felt your love deepen to a heart bond that you never wanted to free yourself from. And have you ever been shocked to find one day that the one you loved so deeply and who you thought loved you just as passionately, had been dating other guys, and moreover, was spending more and more of her time with your worst enemy? Have you ever had to literally turn a lover over to a mortal enemy to allow her to find out for herself what his intentions toward her really were? Have you ever had to lie in bed knowing she was believing lies and was having sex with him every night? Have you ever sat helplessly by in a parking lot, while your enemy and his friends took turns raping your lover even as you sat nearby, unable to win her heart enough so that she would trust you to rescue her? Have you ever called this one you loved for so long, even the day after her rape, and asked her if she was ready to come back to you, only to have her say her heart was still captured by your enemy? Have you ever watched your lover's beauty slowly diminish and fade in a haze of alcohol, drugs, occult practices, and infant sacrifice until she is no longer recognizable in body or soul? Have you ever loved one so much that you even send your only son to talk with her about your love for her, knowing that he will be killed by her? (And in spite of knowing all of this, he was willing to do it because he loved her too, and believed you were meant for each other.) All this and more God has endured because of his refusal to stop loving us."
I've been missing the point for so long. I think a whole bunch of us have.
they'll come, eventually.
Being home has been a challenge, but truthfully, I'm up for it. Thank you a thousand times over to all of you who supported me these past 3 months, whether financially, prayerfully, or sending me cheery little bits of sunshine in the mail. You've truly been an expression of God's love to me.
In other news, the job search continues, very unsuccessfully so far. The past few days, in my constant free time, I've been reading The Sacred Romance by Brent Curtis and John Eldredge. I saw this book sitting on my mother's bookshelf a few months ago, and I slightly scoffed at the title, honestly. Perhaps I am just cynical about "romance" or whatnot; perhaps I am tired of the same old Christian books putting me to sleep....either way, I didn't give a second thought until just a few days ago, when leaving the house (stupid spring blizzards) was out of the question.
Anyway, read it if you haven't. It melted my cynical little heart faster than I would've thought.
Here's a little snippet:
"All of us have had poignant ecstasies of heart over a love affair that subsequently turned into immobilizing pain and shock as we realized that our lover could actually know us and yet leave us for another. But have you ever dated someone and you just knew, from the first time you met her, that she was the one you wanted to spend the rest of your life with? As you laughed and talked and marveled together, you felt your love deepen to a heart bond that you never wanted to free yourself from. And have you ever been shocked to find one day that the one you loved so deeply and who you thought loved you just as passionately, had been dating other guys, and moreover, was spending more and more of her time with your worst enemy? Have you ever had to literally turn a lover over to a mortal enemy to allow her to find out for herself what his intentions toward her really were? Have you ever had to lie in bed knowing she was believing lies and was having sex with him every night? Have you ever sat helplessly by in a parking lot, while your enemy and his friends took turns raping your lover even as you sat nearby, unable to win her heart enough so that she would trust you to rescue her? Have you ever called this one you loved for so long, even the day after her rape, and asked her if she was ready to come back to you, only to have her say her heart was still captured by your enemy? Have you ever watched your lover's beauty slowly diminish and fade in a haze of alcohol, drugs, occult practices, and infant sacrifice until she is no longer recognizable in body or soul? Have you ever loved one so much that you even send your only son to talk with her about your love for her, knowing that he will be killed by her? (And in spite of knowing all of this, he was willing to do it because he loved her too, and believed you were meant for each other.) All this and more God has endured because of his refusal to stop loving us."
I've been missing the point for so long. I think a whole bunch of us have.
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