Loss.

I think of all the human experiences, death is the least comprehensible, the most devastating. As people, we hear of death and tragedy every single day. You can't open a newspaper or turn on the television, the radio, the internet, or even speak with people without hearing of some nameless pain. So often we move on with our lives, pausing for only a moment to empathize. Then we experience loss in our own lives, or in the lives of ones close, and the world stops.

The older I get, the more death I see all around, the more I find myself looking at my own life, wondering whether I am truly making the most of every single day. Am I loving those around me selflessly? Am I extending compassion and love to the broken, devastated people I see each day? Am I truly giving all of myself, my dreams, plans, thoughts, motives and desires to God? I say I follow him with all my heart, but so often I have to wonder if I am only babbling lies that make me feel better.

I went home last weekend to mourn the death of Donald Wood and see my beautiful Sandra, the wife he left behind. Seeing a dear friend and being able to just be there with her was a blessing, but the whole weekend screamed reminders of the frailty of life at me. I want to say I left with a complete peace and sense of God's faithfulness in my heart, which is partially true, but to be honest, I left home emotionally dehydrated in a sense, and still feel the same even as I type this. Yes, God is faithful and his love does endure forever, even through devastation, please don't get me wrong. There is just that humanness we all inherited that begs God to answer the question of "why?". I'm finding sometimes it's just not our place to understand.

Psalm 121
I look up to the mountains--does my help come from there? My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth! He will not let you stumble; the one who watches over you will not slumber. Indeed, he who watches over Israel never slumbers or sleeps. The Lord himself watches over you! The Lord stands beside you as your protective shade. The sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon at night. The Lord keeps you from all harm and watches over your life. The Lord keeps watch over you as you come and go, both now and forever.

If those of you reading this are ones who pray, here are some things I could use some help with from upstairs:
--The remaining $2,500 I need in less than a month for Albania. God is faithful, no doubt, but pray that He will lay it on hearts to pour out support so we may help those in human trafficking situations.
--My school is leaving in a little over a week for New Orleans, Louisiana to do some work during Mardi Gras. Pray that we would be effective and represent Jesus as he truly is, not as some present him to be.
--Direction for me after this school is over. I was officially accepted to The French Pastry School in Chicago, IL and my heart's desire is truly to go there and one day open a vegan, organic bakery from which the profits would go to benefit social justice programs (anti-human trafficking, etc.), so by buying cupcakes you'd be potentially saving lives. :) I just want to be used by God in whatever way He wants, and if it means laying this down, I will, but for forever something inside of me has been tugging at my heart to go.
--Encouragement. I need it these days.

I am off to do homework. I pray that God would melt your heart today with his amazing love and grace. I love you guys. Stay in touch.